Sweetest Melody

Dear Melody,

In this page is what's left of me. A road often traveled on the left of me. The right may not be right. What's my destiny? Can't go back to the road where I found you. It's long gone. Nothing but faint whispers, hummed to me in song. I need to find you again, dear friend, where did you go? I can not hear your voice calling from either road. I fear that I'm losing a part of me. In my search of me. That's why I say on this page is what's left of me. Uncertainty and desire. Your inspiration I can not acquire. And I don't know if I can go on just withering to nothing. You can find me on the road crossing the lost and the found, I'll be hoping to hear you, your sweet Melodic sound. Or be here forever, lost, here and now.
Love,
Poetic

The Definition Of Love

It's been 3 weeks

It's been 3 years

And 3 words are spoken

Whispered into your ear

I love you

You pause to take it in

And grasp what it means

You feel it

Just like the denim in your jeans

This thing

Just unseen

This thing that Amerie sings

And Shakepshere writes

And has me tossing and turning at night

Love

Just what defines it

See I know I've been in

But have yet to question

Just what is love

Webster doesn't seem to know

This feeling passed me at go

I didn't collect 200 dollars

I can name a few fathers

Who loved their wives

But closed their eyes

And dreamed of someone else

An abusive boyfriend hit her with the belt

But he does it cause he loves her

Is it just that absurd to stop and ask

What is love

See I don't like that person

But I love that person

The love of my life is on a gameshow

Hidden behind a curtain

Is love to be planned

Even though that condom broke

And now that boy

Suddenly becomes a man

Can someone tell me what love is

See it's not any of my business

Just trying to make sure I am was or will be

In it

That word is so often spoken but never felt

And sure I want my heart to melt

Except my hand was poorly dealt

By some fat baby with an arrow

I just can't seem to get this definition

Of this thing we call love

Webster can't define it

So I figure Webster hasn't found love

That seems to be the case

For all the men in this place

Who can't see why

Love is so blind

Cupids arrow is unkind

And you've got to be out your mind

To understand this thing called love

Stupid Cupid

Win my heart

Captivate my soul

Hold my hand

Until we grow old

Stare into my eyes

Pass the pupil

Look into my mind

That has gone away

To play

With a fat baby

Who shoots arrows

At unexpected victims

Talk to me

Whispher into my ears

Hopes and Promises

Of a white fence

And a cute puppy

I promise to

Love Honor Obey

My blind lust

Portrayed

By sketchy actions

That 4 letter word

Makes things so

Complex

I'd rather

Deal with it

No no no

It's not you

It's me

Let's keep on

Keepin' on

This road of

Ignorant agony

That we call lust

I want to put

Cupid in a chokehold

Cause his love games

Are like pit stains

You can't remove

With the purest bleach

Check this out Cupid

I'm not stupid

So no thanks to

Piped dreams

And fantisies

Keep them

Love does not blind me

It let's me see

That Cupid's Stupid

So Cupid let me be

Eternally

so it was you i met

that one time

that goddess

across the room

that caught my eye

i lost my mind

obsessed

with how nice your thighs

made your dress lines

so right

why cant you be mine

playing hard to get right

or your not for me

aint that just my life

in my dreams

not necessarily at night

i see you

and oh what a sight

for sore eyes

i try to approach you

but you give me no play

you seem to brush me off

but im compelled to stay

i need to change your mind

and show you what your missin

come over to my place

we can create

this vision

that we had

for so long

a song

only your voice

could sing

and in time

we can see

the sweet melody

the confirmation

that leaves our heart racin

and lets us know

that yes

baby your the one for me

my sweet symphony

my conductor

my instructor

in mysteries of the heart

ive never met you

but have always known you from the start

make me happy

bring me joy

make me a man

proud enough to live life

just like a boy

who are you sweet blessing of aphrodite

im here with no armor shining

just a heart

that is fully yours to have

but before you are quick to grab

promise me this

that with one last kiss

from your sweet lips

i'll be at peace

Eternally

Love Is An Illusion, But I Am Not The Magician

As ironic as it seems with my frustration on this topic

I realize the fault could be mine yet I have little intent to stop it

Rather I get cold feet on the matter

I'm not big on face splatters

Hence my quest for it

Then my sudden questioning of it

Yes my hate for the empty bed that I've gotten used to

Bears more weight then what I've been through

A wall was built but rather then take it down

I give you a one day full acess backstage pass

Then tell you to leave and never come back

Selfish I know how could I

It's cause "we" do not include u and i

The nice guy prince charming yes your knight

Bipolar 2 masks switched like the flip of a light

All roads lead to rome but it's not your fault

You had enough but couldn't afford what was bought

The cost was too heavy

The list has been plenty

This bed still remains empty

But it's just better off that way

Not seeking a challenge

But don't have me win the first day

It really is my gift and curse

Brought up a good guy

But a loner by birth

You don't get it

I'm recommended

But in two seconds I realize

The plot of that path

I can count the grass

No matter how many times you ask

I can't give you answers

When I don't have answers

Does it all make sense?

It's an illusion smoke mirrors and a misdirect

I am not the magician

Merely a participant

Watching my own show from the seats

See

That's just me

2 people yet one heartbeat

One was original

The second created

Both merely blinded

Both visions faded

With their hearts both tainted

They knew what they had to do

Although that may hurt who

They had no intention of hurting at all

Tough calls

Let them in

But soften their falls

Because Mr Wayne

In your search for love

You know it could never be

You came face to face with it once

And you couldn't breath

So you let go

Wanting it back

Just a different soul

Many come so close

But it just isn't right

So you dismiss them all

And don't sleep at night

Instead you regret

Forget and call it quits

Tisk tisk

That first kiss

Kiss of death

Your gone

You don't exist

The Mixture of Me

When you see me
What do you see
Black young and foolish
Didn't notice I was spanish too eh

I don't speak it just a little rarely
But I got something else
Something just barely
Beneath the surface
Within the depths of these eyes
Do you see the cries
Of my ancestors before me
Do you see the pain and suffering that bore me
He's Black

I'm Latino

Never thought Native American
All three in search for salvation
He's a street kid hustler lil punk
Grew up in the ghetto that was his luck
I was shipped on a boat
Got raped for some land
Uncle wants me?
Fuck you Sam
I want you to explain
Why we still have to this day
Things that make our forefathers turn in their graves
We got dickies clothes to remind us that jail clothes is a style
Mean while forgetting the beauty of the Nile
Where we were kings and queens and greatness was our destiny
I have been stripped what is left of me

Then a name that is no longer what I'm referred to
They call me nigga why just not dude
In a daydream of mine I dreamt of Puerto Rico
I dreamt of the unification of a people
See you may not know may not understand
That it may be one island but still a divided land
I'm a mixed kid from the Bx born to be a hustler
Didn't go that route too hard for my mother
I amplified and epitomized a proud minority
Truth be told is the majority
Who slowly reached up and climbed to the top
Come meet me in the sky before it's too late and drops

Screams...

The bullet richocheted off the hallway wall

The light crashes as it falls

The baby cries

You can see pure fear in it's eyes

This is how Chuck grew up

Failed to see the better side of luck

He grew up hearing screams

Of people on the block

Ran to the door

Locked all the locks

Because his worst fear was the sound of gunshots

A gun took away his mother

The playtoy of his broter

Brought home by the father

Who couldn't care less about safety

Not realizing guns had a safety

And lately

Screaming to God

Asking why she got shot

He barely got to know her

He was a child

A baby

He never got to hold her

To hug her

To appreciate his mother

Why

Why

Why

He calls out
But gets no answer

Screams left unheard

Loud enough to shatter ear drums

But they're ignored

Damn

Caged...

I'm locked up in this system

Still remain of victim

Of screams that aren't heard

Feel locked up like Tweety Bird

Still the confusion

Locked by fusion

What the hell is a Dannon Frusion

I have come to accept the terms of who I am

But still wonder if I need a helping hand

The sands of time are almost spent and done

I came with all and left with none

What have I become

Other still lives

But society doesn't give

A flying monkey for who I am

I am a hoodlum because I'm a young black man

Who tries to embrace the streets that he hates

Who no longer takes his father's fate

I'm a caged animal who hungers for the wild

And not a jungle of stone

Prays for the answers to why he's alone

Back on the ropes stuck between a rock and a hard place

Makes jokes on family cause they're a head case

Still the boy locked up within

He doesn't know where to begin

Because how did he start

But now he's locked up in his mind

Can't trust what's behind

So he looks to a future he can't see

Living a present that can't be

Because he's locked up and nowhere to go

And he wants the freedom that he will never know

Tragedy (The Loss of Childhood)

I raise the question. If childhood is snatched away, the very essence of innocence shattered, can one ever regain it? I present to you a story of a boy. His imagination stretched far beyond the walls of his home room class. He wanted action and adventure. What fun was math? He daydreamed a lot and it got him into trouble. Report cards said he was bright but his one failure would double. If he kept imagining. He dreamed of being the best he can be. A man from out of this world. Far greater then anyone can see. He dreamed big. Grew up tall. Yet remained a kid. He's "too old for cartoons", but watches them regularly. Nothing came between his junkfood, him, and his tv. So all is well for the young man, who went to Catholic school, so he understood His plan. Just then his childhood was shattered. Bad luck it seemed, as his innocence stepped him under the ladder. What harm in that? Superstition. So is Religion. Now it's bad enough the young boy lost Santa and Tooth Fairy, but in comes a thought even more scary. He doesn't exsist. Blasphemous. He wears the chain. He prays to him. He knows that just like his cartoons. Good always wins. He grows old and starts to question. Why he ever went to confession? Why these things man made, became things that one day shaped his being. Without him seeing a car collided into him. He lost more then the wind from his lungs. No angels sung. His mother cried. Upset that she had to watch her son die. She doesn't believe anymore. Her whole childhood based that good things come to good people. Drunken driver couldn't even be equally balanced enough to realize he was there. She cries and cries, as nurses stare. She lost her childhood, her child, what more can she bear? The driver was the son's father...

Concrete Jungle

My mother's concrete jungle
Is not the same as mine
But we're apart of the same one
Times we're worse then
Things are better
So why are stick up kids still asking for my cheddar
In her time the Bronx was set a blaze
In my time the youth set fire to haze
You don't know how good you have it
Really is that why cops make brutality a habit
Education in the inner city schools are at their fines

Sure but why is tuition at it's highest
We can't afford the education
To get the better jobs
That get the money
To pay for education
The streets are a lot safer
Shit I'm not a hater
But big kids with guns dressed in blue
They aint protecting me
They cozy in squad cars
Drinking their coffee
Give me some of that shit
There are more job opportunities
When your job
Is to rob
The 7 11
On 5th and Weston
That's not employment
When the cops lock you up
And have you punch plates
That's not a job
But that's their choice
Wrong

In a concrete jungle
When it's a dog eat dog world
When your out for yours and yours alone
What choices are you given
Darwin's survival of the fittest
Shit the fittest I'm in it
Even if that means I took the crooked path
To get me to the kingdom
I'll take it
In my concrete jungle
The choice is sink or swim
Says my mother
I don't have much choice
In my jungle it's keep your nose clean and struggle to survive
Or take action into your own hands
Look at the government in their eye
And say "We're not gonna take it!"

Angels...

Complications in the ER, drunk fight at the bar, broken bottle across the jaw, now his jaw literally dropped to the floor, as he passed out and bled some more, someone get this man some help, the ambulance is nowhere to be found, so the bartender brings his car around, I've got him, trying to help save his life he does 90 on the highway, roads slippery cause of the storm today, please God don't let this man pass away, he loses control, the car spins, CRASH, here comes the ambulance that should of been there earlier at the scene, now two bodies, the driver has ruptured his spleen, besides the head trauma, the passenger is almost gone, looks like a game of pong, the medics all bouncing from patient to patient, treating them like celebrities on the a list, we're losing him, yells the nurse with the broken jawed man, oh no oh shit god damn, BEEP, gone there was nothing we could do, please God don't take two, the driver has fallen into a coma, WE CAN'T LOSE HIM PEOPLE!, yells the head surgeon, they remove  the piece of his own car from his side, the new nurse is shaking and cries, tragedy everywhere, she can't go back in there, that's her husband, and the man was her cousin, she cried Dear God, don't take my husband away too, please Tom pull through, angels all there in the forms of the people who help us everyday, even though we are helped, will we be saved today, Tom wakes up and looks to his crying wife, who heard her crying so he fought for his life, to be with her, and to hold her that one last time. Thank you for being my guardian angel.

My Thoughts On A Perfect Day...

On a perfect day time would be conscience. Time would move neither fast nor slow, but move at a pace so that we can have a day to enjoy. On a perfect day it would be warm enough to wear your best outfit, but have a gentle enough breeze so that the day isn't unbearable. On a perfect day I'd be able to sleep all day and do nothing. In that sleep I'd dream of nothing, because everyday every second of that day I am doing something. On a perfect day my family would get along with one another. We could eat dinner without a roll of the eyes, the suck of the teeth, or the "bonchinche'' (spanish for gossip). On a perfect day I'd get dressed and walk endlessly nowhere just because I thought I'd go somewhere. On a perfect day I'd fall in love with the woman of my dreams. On that day I'd meet her and know that "we belong together." On a perfect day my sidekick 2 would work and my i860 would have minutes. On a perfect day I wouldn't come home to a block, a building, and a home that I couldn't stand. I'd come home with a smile on my face, a warm hug for my mother, and give a pound to my step-father. On a perfect day I wouldn't have school, and it would have to be summer or some sort of vacation where I'd gladly work with my children doing more then just homework. On a perfect day I'd finish my album, get offered a recording deal, and turn it down. On a perfect day I wouldn't be sad. I wouldn't be deeply upset all the time, or constantly feeling blah. On a perfect day the Mets, the Cowboys, the Colts, and Kansas University Jayhawks Basketball would win Championships. On a perfect day I'd be with my nephews and nieces. I'd spend more money then I had just to make them happy. I'd bring them to Toys-R-Us and watch them go wild. On a perfect day I'd have the money to afford the college of my choice. I'd be out of BCC and wouldn't think twice of ever being or returning there. On a perfect day I'd eat like a king. I'd have all my favorite foods and truly be "the human garbage disposal." On a perfect day my brother would stop his childish behavior, pay me back, and learn what it was to be an adult. On a perfect day the cops wouldn't be directly across the street from my house, and the criminals wouldn't live amongst them in my building. On a perfect day I'd have a conversation with God and ask "How's it hanging?" On a perfect day I'd go to parties for free, drink for free, and actually go to a worth-while party. The DJ would be great, the women would be beautiful beyond definition and compare, and there wouldn't be an abundance of males. I'd hook up from time to time and wonder as she dances in my arms "Are you the one?" I'd giggle because my mind would say something about "Neo's son" then think "I'm so sick of love songs." On a perfect day I'd sit in recliner that vibrated, with cereal in my hands, pajamas worn and a little torn, and Saturday morning cartoon marathons on all day. They'd play all my favorites from the old Sonic to the new Sonic. Wow, that's a lot of television. On a perfect day I'd be a father. No matter girl or boy I'd hold my new born in my arms and cry because they have their mother's eyes. I'd be married and in love. I'd have a love that's undescribable and so intoxicating that Aphrodite couldn't of planned it better herself. On a perfect day I'd have my first kiss and my last first kiss over and over again. On a perfect day I'd play spades and poker and win big. I'd be the youngest World Series of Poker Champion. On a perfect day I'd be able to wear my heart on my sleeve for all the world to see. I'd be able to cry from sun up to sun down, and with no interruption. On a perfect day I'd write one hundred and one songs, three thousand poems, and still "Hunger for more." On a perfect day I'd sit at a table with Tupac, Biggie, and Poe and ask them "How did I get so lucky?" On a perfect day there would be not a gun fired, not a act of violence committed, and the only drops of blood was from the husband who pricked his finger trying to give his wife the prettiest rose. On a perfect day history would be a movie from start to finish and we'd all stop arguing about who was right. We'd instead make reckless arguments like "Who's on first?" On a perfect day all my clothes would be like new, they would all fit, and look immaculate. On a perfect day I'd be able to dunk on Jordan and go "And 1! Would you like me to do that again? Or was that perfect enough for you to see?" On a perfect day Ken Griffey Jr. would beat the home-run record and "Penny" Hardaway would be MVP of the championship game. On a perfect day Bruce Wayne would ask me to work for him, take me to the Batcave, and say "Suit up." On the perfect day I'd be able to find jeans that fit, caps that were my size, and that jacket in the right color. On a perfect day I wouldn't ask "What's the worst that could happen?" I wouldn't blame my brother for another reckless Friday night of adventure. Which almost cost me my life but instead cost me 50$ that he won't pay back. On the perfect day I'd be able to turn back time to another perfect day and enjoy it all over again. On that perfect day I'd realize the day was perfect and I'd remember it forever. On a perfect day my little sister Stephanie wouldn't be a pain in my rear. On a perfect day my mom would never have to pay bills again, and she'd be able to move out the hood. On a perfect day I'd be reborn so that I could live life all over again, and know what I know now. On a perfect day cheesecake would fill my fridge. On a perfect day there would be no construction outside so you can finally get some rest on your day off. On a perfect day my shower water wouldn't get cold. I'd be able to sit and relax my aching and sore muscles until I fell asleep. I'd go to my bed that feels like the comfort of a hug, and the warmth of your mothers love. On a perfect day Cardinal Hayes High School Varsity Football Team would actually "Beat the Mount!" It wouldn't be a win. It would be an impressive victory like no other seen before. The crowd would roar, the seats would empty because they stand, and we'd all know the song "Cardinal and Gold." On a perfect day I'd move to a far away place; so that I wouldn't have to deal with the stupidity of my surroundings. On a perfect day it'd be a memorable day, but that day will never come.

Cupid's Dodgeball Game

• • The thoughts crossing my mind
    Id rather you not see
    But since they're written on my sleeve
    I figured it ought to be
    Shouted from rooftops
    I've got the fan base of biggie and tupac
    Minus a few shells
    Not trying to bring sand to the beach
    Not trying to preach
    But frankly
    Lately
    Im just sick and tired of anything 
    That bleeds for more then 3 days at a time
    Im not crazy or out my mind
    Im not being rude or unkind
    I just can't seem to find one that I don't wanna go OJ on
    Maybe it is me that has the midas touch
    Everything I want and touch turns to gold
    Frozen and imprisoned like my emotions
    Im tired of their comotion and noise
    Banging tin cups across the bars
    Im damaged yes im scarred
    And that wound will never heal
    It just keeps getting bigger
    Im surprised I don't have gray hair
    The way im stressing this situation
    Well that's the complecation
    Its more then a situation
    More like an attempt at erasing
    Anything else that matters
    But im left so incomplete
    I think im going to be this way 
    For the rest of my days
    I sure can't be a man of God
    Cause I am not gay
    No intention for me to offend
    Lets pretend that was skipped
    Like how I skip through meadows
    See a pretty face and trip
    I land right on my face
    Lets retrace this
    I want to replay it
    Like the missed field goal in a super bowl
    Played over and over on ESPN 
    Someones having fun at my expense
    Cupids laughing his ass off 
    Watching me dodge arrows when I don't want love
    And some how forgets to play this dodgeball game when im alone
    I feel it
    Spring is in the air
    Yet my heart is turning cold
    I defy mother nature cause that bitch needs a new rag
    And I can't stand her mood swings
    I really think you all are bipolar 
    Or at least you made me 
    See I've been thinking
    Lets avoid eachother
    Stop all contact and means of communication
    I bet you ill have less need to relieve stress
    Its gotten to the point that my lack of need or want of sex
    Better yet fuck it Im no big fan of it
    And now I don't want it ever again
    You guessed it id have test tube babies
    Cause lady you drive me crazy
    Listen lately I've looked
    But no one booked 
    And it just got to a point where I needed nothing more
    Then a long night on a cold floor 
    After a long sweat
    From beating the shit out of a punching bag
    Its sad
    But guess what
    Im smiling
    I've got money minutes and less need for tyleonol
    Plus more time for me
    Trust and bleieve that will be time well spent
    Getting drunk and bent and counting sheep or cows
    Peace I don't want to hear from you cupid aphrodite